


Fixing a Broken Replicator

by Xenobotanist



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: (that's my new favorite tag), M/M, Mad Libs, Rated teen for adolescent humor, accidental innuendos, lunch at the replimat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:14:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23746651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xenobotanist/pseuds/Xenobotanist
Summary: Bashir decides to have Garak try a Mad Lib with him. It doesn't end up like he expected.
Relationships: Julian Bashir & Elim Garak
Comments: 7
Kudos: 41





	Fixing a Broken Replicator

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Rom for briefly having a job in waste extraction.

Bashir entered the final word on his PADD. He pressed enter, then took a sip of tea while he waited for the next screen. He swallowed and promptly began choking. His eyes bulged, his face turned red, and he coughed replicated beverage all over the table.

“Oh dear,” said Garak. “Are you quite alright? Do you need assistance?” His face showed an appropriate amount of concern, but he remained seated.

“No, no, I’m quite fine. I just, ah, the drink went down the wrong…pipe.” His eyes were watering, and his cheeks were still a startling shade of red.

This had seemed like a good idea at the time. A bit of harmless fun. Julian had been looking up “retro” games and happened across something called a Mad Lib. Being a literary aficionado and knowing another one, it could be an entertaining way to spend a lunch.

He hadn’t counted on his companion being a tailor with a _unique_ sense of humor. Or Rom stepping in with a suggestion. And now he had a story that Captain Sisko could never see. Or anyone else for that matter.

He re-read it, hoping that maybe it wasn’t as bad as he had originally thought. It was.

“Well?” asked Garak. “You just spent ten minutes of our meal having me list off verbs and adjectives and body parts. Are you going to explain why?”

No. He couldn’t read this to Garak. He couldn’t read this aloud ever.

Garak folded his hands on the table, the perfect picture of innocence and patience. Both of which were obvious lies.

That changed his mind. If Garak could play it cool, so could he.

“I found this…” Game? Activity? What would it even be classified as? He restarted. “Humans love making up stories. Sometimes, they find it funny to change the words in a story to make it say something else. You start with something serious, but you remove key parts and have someone else name new words to go in those places, only they don’t know what the story is so it ends up a big, funny, mess.” He took a breath. “It’s called a Mad Lib.”

“A Mad…Lib?” Garak looked to be sorting through what he had heard. “So, you began with a story, but took out words, and replaced them with the words I gave you? Is that right?”

“Well, I didn’t take the words out. The person who made it did. But essentially, yes, you are correct.”

“What happens now?”

“I…ah… read it aloud.”

Garak leaned forward a little. “But since I didn’t know what it was about, will the story make any sense?”

Julian sighed. “Sometimes they just come out nonsense, and other times…they come out…like this one.”

“Then by all means, let’s hear what we have made.”

Fixing a Broken Replicator

“First, make sure the combadge is turned off. Begin by removing the trousers. Then, use your wormhole to offend the display panel. Look for the companion. It will be hungry and stimulating. The trickiest part is holding the spy down so that it doesn’t escape. Be careful that the zipper doesn’t pinch your tongue. Once everything is in place, insert your data rod. Be sure the waste extractor can handle the enormous amounts of doctor, or else the device may protest. Once the biobed has been realigned, you may appreciate the tailor. Congratulations, your lunch time has been fixed!”

Bashir stopped. He looked at Garak. Looked back down at the PADD. Returned to Garak. “You did this on purpose.”

Garak grinned maddeningly. “Doctor, I thought you knew! Everything I do is on purpose.”

**Author's Note:**

> Garak never goes into anything blindly. Julian should have known that.


End file.
